Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Focus

I remember a few months back- possibly January when a few potters put out words for the coming year.
New Years, I bet. Focus was one and create was another.
Both good solid words to take into a new year.
So what has happened to my brain- because I am having a hard time following either one of these.
With focus being the hardest of the two.
This is what I have decided.
Last year was my brain as it was-
This year is my brain after the fire.
I keep thinking we are done with that nasty old fire. We have it all tucked away and forgotten about. The thing you sweep out the door, bundled up with the trash and take to the curb.
Gone- kaput- FORGOTTEN!
And then I realize it is still nibbling away at my core.
It is still in my brain and has not yet given me a complete freedom.
And will it- ever- let go?
Maybe not-
Now I have to get my brain back on track. How best to do that when you still have to work- or make the motions of working.
We are so far behind we are ahead for next year?
See what I mean I ramble.
So as I try to make peace with what we can and can not do I am trying to find that place of contentment with the pots, with the studio- the same but different.
I feel harried- I feel behind and I feel anxious.
Maybe my word needs to be breath.
Just breath- and it will all be oaky.

11 comments:

Judy Shreve said...

Meredith - my word was 'happy' -- it's even in the saying 'happy new year.' I don't know why I hadn't noticed how important that word is before. Since my focus is on joy/happy, I'm now paying attention to things I hadn't realized before & it seems to be slowly influencing my work in the studio.

So forget anxiety & pressure -- look for the happy in your day -- you'll be amazed.

cookingwithgas said...

Hi Judy I am going to work on that word! That is one I am having a hard time with right now, A little joy would be good!

tsbroome said...

I was thinking about what I would do if I had this experience. I think that I would write all of my feelings down, get it all out, maybe write down some wishes and goals for the upcoming year, make a special pot, put that letter in it and fire it in the kiln. Put it out there and make peace with the universe. That may sound a bit "new age" but I wrote a note on New Year's Day, lit a candle every day and got my head in a new place. It seems to be working out so far. Lots of opportunities have been coming my way. We'll all send good thoughts your way!!!

Annapants! said...

The looking for the happy sounds similar to my year of yes. It changes a person and your outlook.

Perspective.

My, apparently, $100 word for the year.

cookingwithgas said...

I am working on all of the words suggested - and the sun came out for a bit this afternoon- it all helps.
Thanks!

HENHOUSE POTTERY said...

My grandmother used to say that she wished that she could be the kind of person that could just have a nervous breakdown and be done with it, but her old pioneer constitution just wouldn't let her do anything but suffer through. Sometimes it doesn't matter how much you breathe, or think happy, that anxiety still nibbles away...just know that you are not alone. There is nothing wrong with feeling scared or anxious or behind or "out of focus." When you are on the other side of this, you will be a stronger, wiser person. AND you'll be one that didn't fall apart in the middle of it...and that is worth a reward - maybe some chocolate. Not that I'm trying to lead you anywhere on your other cooking blog. Julia :)

Shortstuff said...

O.K. now...am I going to have to send you a CD with, "Don't worry, be happy" on it? Actually a change in attitude can help. I know I had to do that once when I was substitute teaching. I had to train myself to try to catch the students doing something right rather than looking for them to do something wrong. It was amazing what that one little shift in attitude did for my whole outlook. Made me start looking on the bright side as it were. It's not just the fire. It's the fire, it's the mothers, it's the wedding...all add stress. You'll sort it out. You always do. Love you.

Linda Starr said...

Your post had really struck a cord with me. For several months I've been anxious, hardly able to sleep at night even taking rollaides. I realize for too many years I've been pushing myself and now need to step back and just "be". That's easier said than done. My type A personality is catching up with me and the stresses of my life and those of living, like the fire in yours, have added a weighty pressure. Usually I shake things off, but this time I feel I need to withdraw and rethink what is ahead. Hang in there, things will get better but I know it sure isn't easy in the momemt to think or try to will it so. Julia's grandmother was a wise woman, come on nervious breakdown get yourself over with; I just had a whole 70% cocoa bar, maybe it will help.

cookingwithgas said...

that is my problem! I need chocolate in my life! for years I have not been able to eat chocolate or drink coffee- sad but true. I have thought about writing a dessert book all about desserts with no chocolate- yard sale material!
But Julie you are right- I wish I could fling myself on the floor and wail like a two year old- Linda you are making big changes in your life as well and sister Leslie- you know between the wedding- which is good stress and the mothers - the fire and the fact we are old coots life just gets me somedays!
Life is just not for sissies- but I could really use a sissies day off- PJ's with movies or a trip to France. Spain, London-anywhere but here-

Shortstuff said...

Would you take Charlottesville? ;^)

Cynthia said...

Ha- "focus" was mine and let me add I'm currently distracted. :)

Breath is a good word! Nice deep breaths - not the short shallow kind.